New Study Has Found That Average Penis-Size Has Dramatically Increased

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When I was a lil’ kid, people used to go on about dick-size and what not in school and on TV a fair amount. I’ll be honest, I had no idea why. “What’s the point in having a big willy?” I’d wonder, “You only use it for weeing…” I’d continue.

Then I grew up, learned what sex was when some kid kept quoting Austin Powers in class, and now I get it.

Granted, I still use mine for weeing more – and I’d wager even the most sex-spoiled man in the world does – but I see now that sometimes size does matter… or it doesn’t? The girls on the Reddit threads and Cosmopolitan articles I read can never agree.

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But if you’re a fella who’s worried about what you’re packing, then I may have some good news for you.

If you think to yourself often “sure my penis is fine, but how does it compare to Henry VIII’s or Laurence Olivier’s” then worry not, because according to this not very extensive study, yours is likely bigger.

The research comes courtesy of condom company SKYN and found that penises are getting bigger as time goes on (and I don’t mean getting bigger like various people are just getting hard-ons).

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The brand teamed up with King’s College London in 2016, measured the penises of nearly 16,000 men, and found that the average length was a solid 5.16 inches, erect.

However this year, things have changed.

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The same study was conducted again but with 3,037 men, and found that the average penis size had grown by a full inch. That’s quite a lot. If I were an inch taller I’d be a much happier person, and I’m talking actual height.

The research results are slightly dubious though. SKYN weren’t there on their knees with a tape measure for all 3,037 men who darkened their doorway, no. No, it was an online survey.

I don’t want to point fingers but my name on Pizza Hut’s online database is Cosmo and according to the 2011 UK Census, I’m a Jedi. If I’m asked how big my dick is online, I’ll probably lie. Not out of shame, but for fun.

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So these results don’t seem all that reliable, but we just have to hope that people who take online surveys are more trustworthy than me.

Could be true though.

So you know, things aren’t looking good money-wise for any millennials, really, but at least you have a bigger dick than your dad.

Sorry for that.

Images via iStock

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