Pornhub Have Revealed People's Christmas Porn Habits And There's Some Interesting Results

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‘Ho, ho, ho!’

That’s not me doing my best Santa impression and spreading Christmas cheer by the way, that’s just what I usually type into Pornhub in the run up to Sexmas, sorry Xmas, when I’m feeling a little bit festive or horny or both.

The thing is, some effing squares don’t think that Christmas is a particularly sexy time of year, given that it’s primarily the celebration of the birth of an all-powerful infant, and the fact you have to spend most of the day with your family.

I couldn’t disagree more, though. Think about it: kissing under the mistletoe, naughty elf costumes, having it off at your work’s Christmas party, a sexy, enigmatic bloke cumming down your chimney in the middle of the night – it’s all profoundly randy stuff.

There can, however, be a bit of a stigma when it comes to wanking either just before, or on Christmas Day. Now, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have indeed masturbated on Christmas Day, because if you think that a Mrs. Brown’s Boys Xmas special and my 86 year-old grandma snoring with a Christmas cracker hat on her head is going to stop me from ejaculating, then you my friend have severely underestimated my unquenchable thirst for orgasms.

It usually occurs just after dinner/the Queen’s Speech when there’s a general lull in the house giving me a window of opportunity to sneak into my bedroom to wrap my pig (my dick) in a blanket (my hand). Having said that, I rarely choose something Christmas related, tending to stick with my usual preference of ‘lesbians’- lots and lots of lesbians.

Clearly, though, many of you erotically charged elfs prefer the Xxxmas porn, as Pornhub have released their sexy Christmas stats, with people searching for stuff like ‘Christmas orgy’, ‘santas little helper’ and ‘Christmas threesome ‘.

On the right hand side you can see the spike in these searches at Christmas compared to normal levels.

Some of them are pretty self-explanatory, but a lot of them are just general, vague Christmas terms, like ‘Christmas present’, ‘xmas’, ‘Christmas special’, ‘elf’ and ‘merry Christmas.’ It’s like some people have ended up on Pornhub by mistake instead of the TV guide or Amazon and just typed in what they were after anyway.

I also can’t explain the 570% increase in ‘dick in a box’, nor do I know what that really is, but if you’re on the actual naughty list, that might actually be a decent prezzie for someone.

In the 2015 study, the porn professionals also recorded traffic to their site, which you can check out below.

For most of the 24th and 25th December, it seems that the majority of people are too busy to wank, although traffic does rise by 48% compared to a normal day at 2am on Xmas Eve, and 34% at the same time on the 25th.

That potentially means you could be mid-ejaculation as Santa is coming down your chimney and putting presents under your tree, which may spur you on or deter you depending on whether you like an element of danger when you masturbate.

For most of the two days, though, traffic decreases by up to 45%, so evidently we’re not all mental pervs like me.

So really, what have we learnt?

Well, in general, people actually lay off the wanking over the festive period, albeit when they do it tends to be Christmas related.

I might try it this year for a change, see how I go on.

Actually, I’m a creature of habit. Bah humbug.

Images via GIPHY/PornHub/iStock

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