Pornhub Is Giving Away Premium Porn For Free On Valentine's Day

Share

It’s Valentine’s Day, everyone. Isn’t that just lovely? It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for – it’s like Christmas, your birthday, anniversary, the Champions League final, finding £20 in an old pair of jeans and getting a new haircut that actually turns out to look good rolled in to one day, but better.

Just about everyone loves Valentine’s Day and simply no-one sees it as a capitalism-driven, faux-holiday that promotes lacklustre romantic gestures for one day a year along with a pre-cooked, heated up, overpriced restaurant set menu-peddling sham that it definitely isn’t. And I say that with no hint of irony…

Who doesn’t want a £4 card with a message written by a boardroom already printed inside along with some wilting flowers from Sainsbury’s and the pressure to outdo the couple sitting next to you in Pizza Express? Not this guy.

4

Well, despite how shit Valentine’s Day actually is, it’s somehow worse when you’re not involved in it. Imagine you’re on a group chat with your friends and for one reason or another, they all start planning a night out that, to you, sounds awful, but they never mentioned that you were invited. Obviously you don’t want to go to the same club you went to when you were 18 (and didn’t even like it then) and the idea of getting paralytically drunk on a Monday “student” night when you have work the next day is far from tempting, but it would still hurt to see your friends go through with it without you. That’s being single on Valentine’s Day.

It’s bizarre that a day with so few redeeming qualities exists and continues to rinse couples for their hard-earned cash, but there’s nothing we can do about it now. We’re in too deep.

Luckily for the people who are into throwing a curveball on Valentine’s Day, the ever-faithful Pornhub are here to other their helping hand (because you’ll only have one free when you’re looking at their videos).

2

In what’s becoming somewhat of a Valentine’s Day trend, Pornhub are offering its visitors the opportunity to enjoy the benefits of their premium package for free, just for the day.

In features that are usually exclusive to paying customers – because remember there are still people out there paying for porn – regular punters will be treated to hundreds of thousands of full-length videos in HD and 4K for free.

It clearly works, as in the past, Pornhub have seen traffic to Pornhub Premium rise by 308% on Valentine’s Day, and in the US alone, the day’s growth reached 425%.

3

Maybe after enjoying the perks of Pornhub Premium, people who thought they were happy with visiting the site for free would realise they couldn’t live without seeing people having more fun than them in crisp 4K and would end up paying for it? That’s how they get you.

The obvious angle for this is to say that more free porn exists as a sort of consolation for the single people of the world during Valentine’s Day, but I’ve seen a few films in my day (the normal kind), and apparently watching porn with your partner is a thing? There’s a scene in 500 Days Of Summer where Tom and Summer visit a DVD rental store and pick up a porno, watch it together – fully clothed and cosy as if a normal film – and then try the moves out later on.

This happens a fair amount in Hollywood films, and maybe it’s couples like that who are also seeing the benefits of free Pornhub Premium. It’s unfair that they get the best of both worlds, isn’t it?

In case you’re wondering, Pornhub also released a list of the most searched Valentine’s Day terms on their site. Here it is…

1

Rather predictably, ‘Valentine’ is firmly at the top, but I love that some men are still into being cuckolded on today of all days. It’s Valentine’s Day, man, give your poor heart a break and search for Lesbians or something instead, if only for one day.

The offer is only up for this day, so you better get your fill in quick whilst you can. As for me, I think I’m going to go and watch Black Panther alone since fellow Hook writer, Josh Rogers went and got himself a wife or something. The snake.

Images via Pornhub, iStock

Next Post
Share

Today on The Hook

This Story About A 'Heroic' Cow Escaping From A Slaughterhouse Is Absolutely Epic
You Can Now Get Toblerone Ice Cream And It Looks Divine
'First Dates' Viewers Left Divided Over Man Wanting To Split The Bill
People Mock 'Huge' Earthquake Damage With Hilarious Aftermath Reactions

Best of sex