Men Are Measuring Their Penises With Toilet Rolls In This Weird New Internet Trend


It seems like every other day some girl on the internet tells men that size doesn’t matter, and in the days between that, some other person is explicitly saying it does matter.

It’s hard to know where you stand as a man, with all of the different opinions floating around the stratosphere, really. Am I too small (probably), am I too big (Ha!), too curved, too straight, too vascular, not vascular enough?

I suppose everyone’s into different things which is handy because like snowflakes, no two penises are the same. Likewise, the preference of a potential partner varies.


Regardless, men will always have a chip on their shoulder about their size and with that, will sometimes measure themselves and Google the average size to see how they compare.

With that in mind, men have now started measuring their penises with toilet roll cardboard tubes. This isn’t a new practice, but has recently had a bit of a renaissance, thanks to this tweet…

If, like me, your Japanese isn’t what it used to be, fear not – Microsoft have you covered with this translation:

I found a very easy to understand material about the size of the male vessel, so we will share it. It might become difficult to be said, “It was not big spider to say to him” when it reviewed your son now based on the standard of this self-proclaimed big root, too. How was it?

Not a clue. Something about spiders?

All the replies to the tweet are also in Japanese so they’re not particularly illuminating for me.

Basically, using this method, you’re encouraged to stick your penis into a toilet roll tube and see by how far it surpasses the length and girth (or by how far it doesn’t).


It goes on to explain that if your penis slightly pokes out, you’ve got a good penis. If your whole head surpasses the length, however, you have a “monster cock”. All important things to know.

As for girth, you’re supposed to see by how much your dick rattles around in the tube. If lots, you’re a skinny boy, if a bit, not bad, if you have to tear the roll to get it in, big fella.

I’d show you some examples of people trying the method out but you know, that would mean lots of penises on the site. Doesn’t really fall into our mission statement. Here’s me at a sex convention two years ago though…

At what point do people stop using things other than tape-measures and rulers to measure stuff?

I genuinely don’t understand why people are measuring their penises with toilet rolls when you can use a ruler, so in the unlikely event that you have someone ask how big your penis is, you say “like the width of two fingers longer than a toilet roll…”

Also, toilet rolls are different sizes all over the world. Lately they’ve been a lot thinner than they used to be. There’s people out there who probably think their brandishing some sort of tree trunk thanks to the Sainsbury’s thin toilet roll range.

So yeah. Toilet rolls for penis length.

If you’re into that sort of thing?

Images via iStock

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