I Made A Tinder Account For A Sex Doll Called Chastity And She Went Down A Storm


If you’re a Hook lifer, or even just a casual fan of the good work we do over here, you might be aware of an article I recently wrote called ‘I Tried To F*ck A Sex Doll But We Ended Up Becoming Best Friends’.

I was pretty happy about the feedback (not as happy as I was about getting out of having to fuck it), and there were plenty of positive comments from people who weirdly seem to enjoy reading about me putting things up my bum and navigating through awkward encounters with inanimate sex objects.

There were, however, some people who thought that: a) I’d genuinely been friend-zoned by a sex doll (it was just a joke, mate), and b) that engaging with sex dolls was sick and perverse and that I was clearly a twisted individual for entertaining the idea.

(Fair play to that person for their Antoine Griezmann comment, though – you deserved a like for that.)

It’s a good job I’ve got thick skin.

Anyway, it intrigued me that so many people found the concept of sex dolls so weird (it was a joke, after all) because I think they’re a pretty hilarious novelty. The level of abuse did make me wonder what the rest of the general public – and in particular, males (for whom they are mostly designed for) – think about them, though.

I needed another audience, and one predominately occupied by males.

The answer? Tinder.

London boasts a never-ending conveyor belt of potential suitors on Tinder that can transform a member of the lonely hearts club into a serial dater.

I’m sure there’s plenty of stand-up guys on there (I’d like to think I’m one of them) but you do hear a lot unsavoury stories about men who swipe right for every girl, inundate girls with creepy messages, and generally won’t take no for an answer.

I was curious to see if men really would swipe right for anything, so what better way to test this hypothesis than with a hyper-sexualised piece of plastic?

Firstly, I had to go through the rigmarole of setting up a new email and Facebook account to kid Tinder into thinking I was a real person.

I plumped for the name Chastity – coz, you know, funny – and before long I was on there.

Next came the all-important profile pictures and bio.

I carefully selected three photos (one’s suspicious and five’s too try-hard) from my own personal time with Chastity and uploaded them to her profile.

The bio was a bit more difficult (I have enough trouble with my own bio [it’s blank]) but figured that most men probably don’t even pay much attention to them anyway.

I ended up plumping for some badly thought-out sex doll puns like ‘blow me away with your chivalry’ and something about writing a book called ‘dating tips for dummies‘. I also put in some generic shit that I often find on girls’ profiles such as ‘your mum warned you about girls like me’ and ‘just looking for someone to take to family events so they stop asking me questions.’

And with that – voila – she was ready to get swiping.

My right thumb got to work and within about 5 minutes, I had nearly 40 matches.

I was getting matches with almost every single person I was swiping for, as my Tinder swipe page was bombarded with green drop down messages telling me I’d matched with somebody new.

According to the Tinder Gold service, I already had 99+ matches in waiting, and was getting ‘Super Liked’ left, right and centre.

What were so many people doing on Tinder at 2:30 pm on a Monday afternoon? My excuse was that I was actually doing ‘work’.

Anyway, Chastity was proving to be a dangerously popular lady.


Then, the messages started flooding in. Some were pretty forward, and others were fairly amusing.

‘Oi oi’ never has and never will be an appropriate chat up line.

Doesn’t really make any sense, but I’m fairly certain he’s trying one of those innuendo things.

A decent chat up line, but you can’t follow up a compliment with something that mean. That negates the initial niceness.


I actually felt a bit sorry for this poor sod.

I got offered a date pretty quickly too. In Soho no less. Fancy…

Then I starting messaging some of the better looking guys to see if they’d responed. (They didn’t).

A gorgeous red head. And the fact he didn’t reply made me want him more.

He knows what girls want.

His arms were mahooosive.

The next bloke said he was an Arsenal fan so I asked him about the Sanchez/Mkhitaryan transfer saga and he avoided answering the question. Classic ‘Arsenal fan’ pretending to be an actual Arsenal fan.

Anyway, this was by far my favourite exchange of the whole thing – I simply decided to reply using as many Michael Jackson songs as I could.

He stopped replying after that so presumably he couldn’t think of any more song titles.

You lose, sucker.

My phone was buzzing like crazy all afternoon, which continued for about a day or so. There were so many matches, in fact, that I decided to log out of the account for a bit before my phone exploded. When I did, I’d already amassed well over two hundred matches.

Unfortunately, between that point and logging back in again, I’d been reported by someone (who perhaps doesn’t like sex dolls) and my account had been removed.

Chastity was out of the dating game almost as quickly as she got into it.

So what the hell have we learnt from this almost utterly pointless experiment?

Well, based on the evidence, I think my earlier statement about some men swiping right for anything has been proved correct (I actually reckon you could put any random object on there and it’d get matches such is the speed that some men swipe at). Whether that’s because they thought ol’ Chastity would be an easy lay, or they did it for the banter because it amused them – we’ll never know – but I suspect it’s probably the latter.

Furthermore, most of the people I matched with didn’t un-match me, so presumably they’re OK with being set up with a sex doll. From the (albeit small) selection of men I spoke to, most seemed to find it quite funny, so perhaps the moaners and groaners in the comments of my original sex doll article really are in the minority when it comes to embracing this new fad.

Lastly, if you know of a sex doll who’s yet to make the leap into the world of online dating, tell her about Chastity’s ventures – it really is like fishing with dynamite.

We men are simple creatures.

Images via Tinder

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